Well this past week has been crazy to say in the least. I'm beginning to think that Olivia has the doctors soo stumped that the same answer to every question asked has become routine...."we will have to run some tests and see" Aren't you tired of running tests? I know I'm tired, Olivia's tired... I catch myself sometimes thinking I must be praying wrong, asking for the wrong thing or not praying enough because how can God hear my prayers and NOT answer them???? Helloooo my kids are suffering here, theyre your kids right? I want Him to intervene and He's not and I can't figure out why? Well I have to say, that I realized once again what the problem is as God brought me to my knees like He has soo many times before. As I sit in the doctor's office, or at home on the other end of the phone, I hear what the doctor is telling me, what they are planning or wanting to try and I catch myself saying why?, can't we do something else, can you give me a definite answer this is going to make it ok? Maybe this is God's plan and here I sit being a mommy and not 100% faith invested in God that I'm the one stopping what maybe could be the right intervention for Olivia? It's hard to be facing the fact that what could help her may also be what could literally cause her to be worse off than what she is right now....I have to have FAITH, I have to TRUST but I'm human I want a definite. I know that definitely, Olivia and Sam both will be healed completely one day. Now whether that day is here on earth and I can rejoice or whether that day comes when He calls them home, I have got to learn to accept the no response at the end of my AMEN's, I have to learn to accept the "we will wait and see" answers. Until I can throw up the white flag and truly say I surrender and say "yes" I'll go here, I'll see this doctor, I'll pick up these forms for bloodwork, I may never get the answers I want and God may never intervene because He wants me to see that He is working in their lives but I have to sit back, shut up and listen. WOW that is soo hard for me to do.
These next few weeks are going to be pretty rough and I ask that each one of you who reads this, who believes in the power of prayer and who loves the Lord to please keep my girls in your prayers. As for Olivia, her excema had gotten bad so for the next two weeks we are at Texas Childrens everyday for whirlpool therapy, on top of our other weekly appointments. We are waiting for a phone call anyday to see the neuro team at Memorial Hermann Children's Hospital for a second opinion on what will come of Oliva facing surgery. The doctor at Texas Children's said the fluid on the brain without a doubt needs to be drained in hopes that it will not only relieve the pressure, make her maybe feel a little better but the big plus to doing that would be that the brain might begin to grow. A shunt would need to be put in to do that but because her brain is underdeveloped, and with the malformation and the tumor being where it is, the surgery is risky and the outcome of her being better as opposed to being worse isn't good. There is an option that is being talked about. The doctor has talked about doing a spinal tap to remove fluid and then repeating an MRI four weeks from the spinal tap to see how things are looking. That is alot less invasive, could give us some good results but could also do absolutely nothing and then we would be back to square one....
Also, Sam will have bloodwork done the week after next and a bone scan to see if so far there are any changes. She still has several treatments to go before this round of 12 chemo and radiation treatments are done, but we are praying and hoping for the best. There is only one more 12 rounds that she can do with an upped dosage for chemo and radiation before they begin to do the intravenous chemo. Sam seems to do ok some days and others not at all. She has begun to run fever quite a bit, and be very irritable which is understandable. I can't even begin to imagine how she feels.
Please keep both of the girls in your prayers as the next few weeks will prove to be very trying as we spend everyday at the hospital for treatments, see new doctors and learn of what is to come for the both of them. I know that those of you who are faithful followers not only to this blog, but to the Lord will pray that His will be done in all things regarding Sam and Olivia. Please pray that my mind be open and my heart be accepting to what is being said about my babies. It is hard to sit and watch your babies suffer and be sick and hurt and not be able to do anything but PRAY. They don't understand what is going on with them and all they know is sickness so they don't know that there is something so much better out there. Even though that's hard to accept, I am glad that they can't comprehend they're differences. Over all, they seem to be happy in their daily lives. Please pray for Hannah to have peace and acceptance over things to come and to have the acceptance of others who may not know what is going on with Sam and Olivia. Please pray for her to have compassion for all. She has a hard time if we are out and people are staring at Sam with her mask on her face or Olivia bandaged from neck to her feet to keep her from scratching. She gets angry that people say things. I try to tell her they just don't understand but she always says I don't care! I pray that she will learn from Sam....because Sam doesnt care!!! If someone says to her "why do you have that mask on" Sam being Sam simply says "I'm sick and I don't want your germs" Couldnt have said it any better myself. Im very grateful that Sam is so accepting that her mask is a part of her everyday wardrobe, just like her pink tutus or her cinderella dress! God thank you for her teaching us all of acceptance in any circumstance....
Thank you to all who read and share my blog with your family and friends. I am truly blessed to have you all who pass on the request to pray for my 3 sweet children. May God bless you all.
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